my heart is so heavy right now.
i wish i could help ease the pain, but i have no words, no tears, no thing that can change anything at all. words are empty, breathing is painful, grief envelopes me like strange familiarity.
i'm helpless and fragile and unable to fix the brokenness.
all i can do is pray for those he left behind...it doesn't feel like nearly enough, but my hope and faith is steadfast in the One who took him home.
you are missed.
20080728
20080721
inventing laziness
in our world where convenience is pursued at pretty much any cost, it seems like with all of our luxuries, we are only perpetuating laziness. a lot of what we used to have to fight for we're given or we've come to expect it to somehow fall into place. we've adopted the idea of 'destiny' and 'fate', almost to the point of allowing us to choose to do nothing under the idea that it will work out in the end. and i believe that it will, but it begs the question: what are we missing out on when we operate like this?
it seems like the integrity of our life experience is at stake when we plan it out and expect it to work according to our plan. we say things like, "right now just isn't a good time"...with the obvious assumption that somewhere down the road the option will be available again...but why aren't we going after experiences instead of waiting until the timing is right? life is full of unknowns. how is putting things on the 'back burner' anywhere close to carpe diem? we can't dictate the unknown and yet we continue to try.
and well, that's not for me.
i want the inconvenient, sacrificial, spontaneous, inspiring kind of life, love, legacy....
it seems like the integrity of our life experience is at stake when we plan it out and expect it to work according to our plan. we say things like, "right now just isn't a good time"...with the obvious assumption that somewhere down the road the option will be available again...but why aren't we going after experiences instead of waiting until the timing is right? life is full of unknowns. how is putting things on the 'back burner' anywhere close to carpe diem? we can't dictate the unknown and yet we continue to try.
and well, that's not for me.
i want the inconvenient, sacrificial, spontaneous, inspiring kind of life, love, legacy....
20080717
freak? definitely...
i was watching criss angel mind freak...it was late, i couldn't sleep...
he pushed a tree over in some state somewhere...and all i could think was, 'wow, you totally just uprooted a beautiful and terribly expensive living being with no regard whatsoever for the soil or root structure that it has probably taken years to create. you probably just severely damaged the surrounding trees, not to mention killed the very palm tree you picked. awesome.'
all these women are fawning over him and are basically propositioning him and it made me laugh because all i could think was, 'he could be the worst lay ever but play a mind trick and make you think it was the most awesome ever. haha.' and i laughed.
he looks like a freak. why is it that all the people who can do magic are like all 'dark and death'? and what's with the hair and the guyliner....and a lisp? i mean, seriously? please, stop. it's comical. makes him look like the son of gene simmons. not something that's on my list of life goals. just sayin.
he actually said, 'no one can stop me from accomplishing what's in my head, i'm fully committed to what i want to do.' don't get me wrong, i admire the dedication. but seriously, he's a malignant narcissist.
sad.
he pushed a tree over in some state somewhere...and all i could think was, 'wow, you totally just uprooted a beautiful and terribly expensive living being with no regard whatsoever for the soil or root structure that it has probably taken years to create. you probably just severely damaged the surrounding trees, not to mention killed the very palm tree you picked. awesome.'
all these women are fawning over him and are basically propositioning him and it made me laugh because all i could think was, 'he could be the worst lay ever but play a mind trick and make you think it was the most awesome ever. haha.' and i laughed.
he looks like a freak. why is it that all the people who can do magic are like all 'dark and death'? and what's with the hair and the guyliner....and a lisp? i mean, seriously? please, stop. it's comical. makes him look like the son of gene simmons. not something that's on my list of life goals. just sayin.
he actually said, 'no one can stop me from accomplishing what's in my head, i'm fully committed to what i want to do.' don't get me wrong, i admire the dedication. but seriously, he's a malignant narcissist.
sad.
20080715
20080708
impossible
i've never wanted so much and failed so greatly at being remembered. it's absurd. i mean, really.
what stinks the most is just when i think i've made a dent in your memory, that i've made a lasting impression, the truth is i haven't and it's then that i realize that there is no room for me in your heart, mind or life...
i used to think i was impossible to forget just extremely difficult to remember, but now i'm thinking the former is no longer true. you have opened my eyes to the new reality...i am just impossible to remember, an invisible memory, the dream you wish you could remember once you've opened your eyes, but alas, i vanish....
what stinks the most is just when i think i've made a dent in your memory, that i've made a lasting impression, the truth is i haven't and it's then that i realize that there is no room for me in your heart, mind or life...
i used to think i was impossible to forget just extremely difficult to remember, but now i'm thinking the former is no longer true. you have opened my eyes to the new reality...i am just impossible to remember, an invisible memory, the dream you wish you could remember once you've opened your eyes, but alas, i vanish....
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