"Now let me say this. You are one of the most beautiful women I've ever had the privilege to be around. I mean it. There are very few men that can spot beauty from across the room and there are many women who half-ass it, but you, you radiate it."
Somehow, for some reason, the fact that the man who told me this has impaired vision and dementia didn't negate his compliment. There was a sweet persistent innocence about him that made his claim credible.
I hope for the day, not necessarily that I believe the above statement about myself, but that someday I'd be able to navigate between the lies and truths being told to me by others who have all their faculties.
I hate being deceived.
I'm exhausted by males who promise the future to get what they want in the present.
I'm someone who despite my experiences- both good and bad- I've somehow maintained my naivete...and I find myself thinking that since I wouldn't do something to a person, they surely wouldn't do it to me. So when I find out the compliment was a lie, the invitation on an adventure was empty, they judge my actions more harshly than they judge their own, or they aren't who they claim to be...most often, I'm blindsided by it.
I'm tired of falsity, being unfulfilled, being lied to, looked over, used...I just want someone who is believable, someone who will stop me from wasting all my love, someone who is trustworthy, someone who is worth the risk it takes to expose my heart, someone who takes the risk to choose me...
In other news, I decided I'd rather emanate love than beauty if I had to choose, but I do still wonder, why can't I have both? Or is it that since love is beautiful, if I emanate love, I emanate beauty?
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