My personal flotation device in this sea called life is summed up in one word: hope.
I hope against hope that things will turn out alright. I hope for the best but find myself often preparing for the worst. Is this how life is supposed to be- Staring at the silver lining but carrying an umbrella just in case it should rain?
I don't want any surprises to discourage my course or put out the desire in me to live. I don't want to be blindsided by misfortune. I want to feel prepared or at the very least, that I am capable of getting through whatever may come my way. But how are we supposed to roll with the punches when the punches knock the breath out of us?
How am I supposed to plan for a future with someone knowing they could wake up in 30 years, hate me and want out? How are we supposed to live in freedom when there is so much to be afraid of? Do we just go blindly through life, falling in whatever potholes happen to be in my path, losing whatever falls off or goes away?
I guess my question is: how are we to go through life, hoping for a good future, doing our best to get there with the realization that it could all be gone tomorrow?
Is hoping for the best really all that keeps us afloat when the storms come?
20080428
20080413
Proud & Alone
When it comes to my situation, I have these two tendencies grating together and they happen to be grating on my last nerve.
One is the tendency to dream and hope for something, get an idea about what it should look like and become disillusioned when things inevitably go to pot. The other is simply to take things as they come- open hands, open heart.
And it's when these two collide that I find myself confused and a little bewildered. I feel like I have the right to expect and get more than what I'm getting, but then wonder why I can't just be content with the way things are.
So which is the right answer?
Oddly, I feel the same contradictory emotions either route I take- the first tendency, I feel proud because I stood up for myself and my needs but alone because no one rose to the occasion. And with the second, I feel proud because I just 'go with the flow' and alone because it doesn't even come close to what I've wanted for myself.
So, tell me, which do I do? And how can I be happy with my decision once it's made?
Well, I figured it out-
I'd rather stand up for myself and deal with being by myself than be with someone and be unfulfilled. That wasn't so hard after all! Ha! :]
One is the tendency to dream and hope for something, get an idea about what it should look like and become disillusioned when things inevitably go to pot. The other is simply to take things as they come- open hands, open heart.
And it's when these two collide that I find myself confused and a little bewildered. I feel like I have the right to expect and get more than what I'm getting, but then wonder why I can't just be content with the way things are.
So which is the right answer?
Oddly, I feel the same contradictory emotions either route I take- the first tendency, I feel proud because I stood up for myself and my needs but alone because no one rose to the occasion. And with the second, I feel proud because I just 'go with the flow' and alone because it doesn't even come close to what I've wanted for myself.
So, tell me, which do I do? And how can I be happy with my decision once it's made?
Well, I figured it out-
I'd rather stand up for myself and deal with being by myself than be with someone and be unfulfilled. That wasn't so hard after all! Ha! :]
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