Yeah. . .

I'm that girl.
I've always been that girl that falls for the guy that doesn't see her. I hang around in the background, and for some reason unbeknownst to me, I'm okay with being in limbo. As if somehow waiting around long enough to be noticed will get me where I want to be. . .like if I pay my dues, it will pay off in the end.
I've never understood, and therefore have never mastered, the art of being friends with guys. I appreciate them, I do. . .but then somewhere in the realm of the subconscious, I cross that invisible line and am thrust into this all out war between my head and my heart. I start out with the best of intentions of just being friends, but then being a romantic to the core, I change. I don't know if it's because I get to know them and like them, because it doesn't happen with every guy that I know, or if it's due to the fact that they are taking the time to get to know me and I feel secure. I just don't know anymore.
I love being known. I want to be known. I want to be sought after and cared for so when I reach out to care for them, I know I'm not wasting my time and energy on another dead end. I'm tired of getting involved, of showing a piece of my heart only to have it smashed.
For once in my life, I want to fall and be okay when I land.
For some reason, in spite of being riddled with doubt and fear, I am unable to stop my incessant hope from pushing through all the layers of years of hurt and pain. My heart is my own, yes, but for some reason and against all odds, it beats on and continues to wait in limbo for that one who will take the risk and call me his own.