so you say you want to live life running through the crashing waves, absorbing and experiencing all that life has to offer...why are you standing on the shore trying to dictate which wave should come first? i think that's part of the beauty in life...to be able to take each wave as it comes, whenever it does (which is most likely out of our preferred order) and experience it, revel in it, live it...
i'm not trying to make it sound like you're not living life...you just have this thing about trying to control the order of your life, and i hear such frustration in your voice when it doesn't happen the way or as soon as you want it, and it seems like you take these drastic measures in order to reconfigure because you think that somehow reorganizing your life will make it happen in your own time. and it seems like you take it as failure when it doesn't come about.
what if what you want right now isn't supposed to happen til you've walked through another door? and what if you're waiting to walking through that door til the first thing happens? you'll never get there if you don't start taking a few steps with what you already know...
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