blame it on the rain...

Is it weird that I don't think you're a bad person and almost feel bad for posting my thoughts on our relationship?
I don't know how the previous post makes you sound, but I truly don't think you're an ass. It wasn't written in anger or disgust; it was just the process my heart took to realize the lesson I had just been through.

Looking back on it, I realize that when you were the guy who treated me like his princess; the romantic and kinder version of you, I remember waiting for the other shoe to drop. I remember the flares of my cynicism being quelled by the constant outpouring of your intrigue, interest and concern for me. I remember marveling in wonderment at love and generally just being amazed and overwhelmed at the prospect that this was the real deal. And I remember being breathless...in such a blissful and perfect way.

So when your other side surfaced and I once again found myself in a relationship that was getting further away from 'healthy', I reverted to old ways of thinking. I went back to believing that it was how I deserved to be treated. I went back to thinking it was how relationships were supposed to be or how I was supposed to feel. And somehow I committed to it. Or I felt committed to it at least. And with that realization, it was a short-lived and quick downhill trip to misery.
And it was in that misery I looked at the relationship for what it had become...or maybe what it had been all along, I don't know...but I finally realized you were still in love with her. As a side note, I don't hate you for choosing her over me. I truly don't. I just wish you had been honest. That frustrates me. I hate lip service.
The part of me that was made the fool wishes I wouldn't have ignored the signs, but the majority of me wonders if they're signs because of hindsight...